Car Won't Start, But Rac Can't Find...
Motoring1 min ago
Little known fact there is a patron saint of checking bread rolls before removing them from the oven. Saint John the bap test......... ___________ Tonight is the Constipation Clubs Christmas dinner....
My mate's new year resolution is to quit his 2 bad habits: Smoking and masturbating. It's gonna be hard because he's a 20 a day man... And he smokes like a chimney! ____________ I went for a walk last...
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics....
..to keep your wits together as you age. So every day I challenge myself with difficult questions like,, Why am I in this room? Did I come here to get something? What was I doing? Who was that I spoke...
Three men survived a plane crash over the Sahara Desert: a blind man, a deaf man and a man in a wheel chair. After staggering through the desert for a couple of miles they came upon a river. The river...
What’s the different between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause....
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line....
Q. What is the most common lie in the entire universe?
A. "I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."...
What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
Wait, there's myrrh....
Wasn’t sure where to put this, didn’t want to incur the ire of Chris by lobbing it into Chatterbank nor inflame the right-whingers by putting it in News....
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Santa, that is.
I could tell, by the carbon footprints, he left all over the hearth rug....
According to the latest weather forecast, there is a yellow snow warning for Scotland and the north of England.
Take my advice and never eat yellow snow....
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts....
Father Christmas is on trial You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges: Failing to apply for immigrant status...
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote the 'Hokey Cokey', died peacefully at the age of 83. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble...
Don't use "beef stew" as a computer password.
It's not stroganoff....
My mate has been drinking brake fluid for a number of years but he says he's not addicted. He reckons he can stop any time he wants.............
I was chopping up carrots with the grim reaper yesterday, yes you could say I was dicing with death. _______________ Bozo the clown has passed his act onto his eldest son. They are big shoes to fill....
,,, every work place.
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