Quizzes & Puzzles0 min ago
I was in Asda yesterday, this thick *** was on the check-out, face like a slapped bottom and all the charisma of a half eaten sausage. I came to pay, I had only bought milk and bread but had no...
An Englishman an Irishman and a Welshman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George's Day," commented the English man. "So we obviously decided to call him George." "That's...
A whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke......
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the...
The first year student had just gotten a beat up old VW Beetle from his parents. He took it for a spin but misjudged the curve and overturned the car directly between the house of Mr. and Mrs. Smith...
I set my son the task of learning the alphabet in Morse code.
He came to me after a few hours and said "did it Da Da"...
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is...
A lost and weary guy, out hiking, was taken into a monastery by some kind monks and given shelter and hospitality. He was invited for supper and had the best fish n' chips he'd ever tasted, so much so...
There was a bloke in the pub with a golden retriever, boasting about how intelligent and loyal his dog was. He claimed that if he could throw a stick, and it landed a hundred miles away, the dog would...
Clue: 'The outcome of a regular letter' Solution: 'Event' Could someone please explain how the answer is arrived at. Thanks in advance!
I was just thinking, I've never finished a painting.
I've got a black belt in partial arts....
A genie offered to make any wish come true.
I said I just wanted to be happy.
Now I'm really short, live in the woods with six other men and mine diamonds all day long....
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says: "But you're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you talk!"...
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Interviewer: "What drives you?"
Candidate: "The bus mostly."
Interviewer: "I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?"
Candidate: "Missing the bus!"...
It's sad that so little is made in the UK any more.
I just bought a radio and it says "built in antenna"
I don't even know where that is....
I've been wrongly accusing my washing machine of shrinking all my cloths.
It turns out, it was the fridge all along....
I asked my friend when their birthday was. He said March 1st. I stood up, walked around the room, and asked again. ____________ A police officer just stopped me due to the terrible state of my jumper...
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"...
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp.
It's unthinkable....
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