Starmer Refuses To Rule Out Signing Away...
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Doctor, Doctor. I keep feeling like window curtains. - Pull yourself together man!. Doctor, Doctor. Sometimes i feel like a Wigwam and sometimes like a Teepee. - Relax, your too tense!....
Mick is driving home in County Sligo when he comes up behind a slower moving lorry, he overtakes and pulls alongside, shouting out of his window:- "Oi, driver, you're losing your load!" "*** off"...
I couldn't think why on earth I chucked that old boomerang out, then suddenly it hit me!
When Donald Trump was president he met The Queen, and he turned round and said: "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the USA is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a...
Someone keeps leaving celery and rhubarb on my doorstep.
I think I have a stalker....
I went to see a microbiologist the other day, he was much bigger than I expected
What was the Soviet Union’s most secretive insect?
The Cagey Bee....
A man walks into a dentists in a panic and says, "You've got to help me, I think I'm a moth", The dentist says, "You're in the wrong place, you need to see a psychiatrist", The man replies, "I know, I...
Two Glaswegians, Erchie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin' oarganised awready, the fluers,...
Dogs can't operate MRI machines,
but catscan....
I put all my dogging gear up for sale on Ebay. Not had any bids yet but there are 14 people watching
He was born without eyelids so they circumcised him and used the skin to make some. The operation was a success but he is now cockeyed.................
A man was worried that his wile was having an affair. He asked his parrot to watch what happened during the day and to report back to him at night time. The parrot had lost both of his legs in a freak...
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog....
The Queen and Dolly Parton die on the same day and both go up to the Pearly Gates to find out whether they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space available, so St. Peter has...
I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door....
This bloke said "I'm going to chop off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in the library"
I thought "that's a turn up for the books"...
One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu." Oh no, not now,...
Two Nuns travelling in a car when a vampire jumps on the bonnet. One of the Nuns say's "Quick. Show him your cross!" The other Nun leans out of the window and shouts "GET OFF THE BLOODY BONNET YOU...
Two Irish brothers Mick and Paddy have made a promise to their uncle. Well they had an Uncle Seamus who was a seafaring gent all his liife and a while before he passed away, he made the boys promise...
