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Shopping & Style67 mins ago
Two Scots, Archie and Jock are discussing Jocks wedding. "Ach it's all going well, I've got everything organised, I've even bought a kilt to be married in." Archie says, "That's braw, what's the...
A thief broke into my house last night. He was searching for money, so I got out of bed and searched with him.
This morning on the motorway, I looked over to my right and there was a Woman in a brand new BMW doing 75Mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner ! I looked away for a...
A man owned a small farm in Shropshire . The Fair Work Office claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him. 'I need a list of your employees and...
A traveller stops in a Yorkshire pub and notices that all the beams have car keys dangling from them. When asked, the landlord says, "Ah, That's for Seth - he's ah local genius - if tha' sticks car...
There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and do a lot of things that took two arms. One day he had had it. He decided to...
New Alphabet : A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead. Now The Alphabet:...
The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a...
Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me.
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
I'll get my coat!...
A woman walks into her accountant's office, telling him she needs to file her taxes for the financial year. "Fine," the accountant says to his client, "but before we begin, I'll need to ask a few...
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down High street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying...
My son crawled for the first time while I was away on business. I also missed his first steps. I was now afraid I would miss his first words. Each day, I called home and asked if he had spoken yet....
I don't like to brag about my wealth obviously.. But yesterday, I had the heating on for an hour.
how this ended up in Jobs, who knows, when I had requested Jokes..... June, who had a rich sense of humour apparently 'Did you hear about the guy that escaped from the Lambeth Mental Hospital and went...
Shaun and Paddy are having a lunchtime session in the pub. "Any money on you?" Paddy asks. "No pal, I'm skint." replied Shaun. "I know." says Paddy. Mt house is just around the corner, lets nip and...
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to...
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience,...
Each time the man visits this bar he has a little white box with him. The lady bartender is finally overcome with interest, and ask: "What's in the box?" To which he replies "The most amazing frog...
Niece: "Uncle, your landlady told me that you weren't fit to live with pigs!" Uncle: "What did you say?"
Niece: "Oh, I stuck up for you -- I said you were!"...
105 year old lady's advice to us all. "For better digestion I drink beer. In case of appetite loss I drink white wine. In case of low blood pressure I drink red wine. In case of high blood pressure I...
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