Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?" Good girls never go after another girl's man... Bad girls go after him AND his brother. Good girls wear white...
A couple go to the solicitors to arrange a divorce. The solicitor points out that they are not youngsters and asks their age. "I'm 101 and my husband is 103." replies the woman. "Good grief" says the...
A man was asked practical questions at his First Aid exam. "What would you do, if you broke your leg, in 2 places?" He replied, " I wouldn't go back to those 2 places, again." ________________ Paddy...
7 KINDS OF SEX Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex. The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind Of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in...
A little old lady shuffles into a sex shop, she very slowly and shakily makes her way over to the counter. The guy serving is sure that she's made a mistake and come into the wrong shop, however, once...
A jockey is riding the favourite at a Boxing day meeting he rounds the last bend in the lead when he is struck on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages He composes himself and regains the lead...
A man walks into a fruit and veg shop, in Chester and asks "How much is that orange?" "£1" replies the fruitier "At Jones's fruit and veg, near the abattoir, they only charge 50 pence" " Well go and...
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these...
To compensate for the high levels of fuel duty.
Filling stations are to start showing porn films on the fuel pump screens
so you can see someone else being screwed as well as yourself....
For anyone who has ever had a bad pint. Two blokes decided to open a real ale brewery. After several months of careful work, they produced a product with a golden straw-like colour and a good strong...
Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer. "The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of...
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got...
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in my bicycle basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the...
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long,...
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen....
Anyone for golf? Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?” ______________ Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this...