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Hopkirk

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Hopkirk
The fact that there's a highway to hell, and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic levels.
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Hopkirk
My teacher said, “Name two pronouns.” I answered, “Who, me?”...
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Hopkirk
Would you wear spectacles made of oak? Eye wood....
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Hopkirk
A chef I know just boiled up a chicken carcass with seasoning, vegetables and nitrous oxide. I told him he's made himself a laughing stock....
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Hopkirk
I've lost some weight by wearing some bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet....
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Hopkirk
I saw an advertisement for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”...
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Hopkirk
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird...
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Hopkirk
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is starting to improve.
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Hopkirk
I bought a boat because it was for sail
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Hopkirk
The machine at the American coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents....
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Hopkirk
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could...
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Hopkirk
I just came across this eleven year old thread, started by Boxtops. Brilliant https://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Society-and-Culture/Question1082274-2.html...
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Hopkirk
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank....
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Hopkirk
Are they the future, or the past?
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Hopkirk
Whenever there's an eclipse, my dad starts shaking and twitching. Lunar-tick!
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Hopkirk
I took my Spanish friend for a picnic at the weekend. He said “Gracias!” I said, “Yeah, I should have bought a blanket!”...
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Hopkirk
You can keep your potatoes in the fridge now. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/potatoes-food-standards-agency-fridge-b2290226.html...
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Hopkirk
I know a surgeon who puts organs back in upside down. I told him that’s not funny, but he said it was an inside joke....
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Hopkirk
If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
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Hopkirk
I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll try a grape....

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