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marval

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marval

Warm And Wet

With a slight hesitation, I nervously inserted a finger: it felt warm and wet. She groaned. "I'm going to need more than that," she said. Taking a breath, I then inserted three more fingers. Her eyes...
18:40 Mon 25th Feb 201310 answers, last by maggiebee 00:08 Tue 26th Feb 2013
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marval

Sacked

I've just been sacked from my job at the post office but I think I was too young for it anyway. All day long I would sit there sorting letters and listening to the radio but every time a song finished...
18:25 Sun 24th Feb 20134 answers, last by rosyposy 00:04 Mon 25th Feb 2013
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marval

Police

I got stopped by a copper last night. The officer said, "Do you have a police record?" I said, "Yes, Walking on the Moon from 1979." Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are vanishing into thin air....
16:31 Sun 24th Feb 20135 answers, last by marval 17:58 Mon 25th Feb 2013
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marval

Doctor

I said to my Doctor, "I've become a can of deodorant." He said, "Are you sure?" I replied, "No, I'm Lynx." "Doctor, doctor, I've got problems with my hearing." "What are the symptoms?" "They're those...
17:09 Sat 23rd Feb 20134 answers, last by maggiebee 19:46 Sun 24th Feb 2013
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marval

Collection

For several years, I lived in a squat. I've had trouble standing upright ever since. Went to the library today and asked have you got any books on mysterious disappearances? The librarian said...
19:33 Thu 21st Feb 20134 answers, last by starone 11:24 Sat 23rd Feb 2013
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marval

Brown Texan

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from th' top of mah head...
20:26 Wed 20th Feb 20132 answers, last by marval 00:54 Thu 21st Feb 2013
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marval

Help

A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery, and then he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a...
15:43 Wed 20th Feb 201310 answers, last by starone 00:25 Thu 21st Feb 2013
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marval

Oh Come On

Wife: Oh, come on. Husband: Leave me alone! Wife: It won't take long. Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the...
21:00 Mon 18th Feb 20131 answer, last by starone 00:49 Tue 19th Feb 2013
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marval

Goats

A group of Americans were travelling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used....
17:05 Mon 18th Feb 20134 answers, last by cupid04 18:27 Mon 21st Aug 2017
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marval

Don't Lie To Dad

The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to...
17:55 Sun 17th Feb 20132 answers, last by starone 19:32 Sun 17th Feb 2013
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marval

Breakfast Special

One morning, Lisa and Sadie decided to go out for breakfast. The waitress told them that the special that morning was two eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, hash browns and toast for £3.99. "That sounds...
17:15 Sun 17th Feb 20137 answers, last by JonnyBoy12 21:56 Mon 18th Feb 2013
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marval

Mirror

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked,...
20:39 Sat 16th Feb 20133 answers, last by excelsior-1 23:47 Sun 17th Feb 2013
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marval

Pen

Paddy says to Mick "I found this pen, is it yours?" Mick replies "I don't know, give it here" He then tries it and says "Yes it is" Paddy asks "How do you know?" Mick replies, "That's my handwriting"...
15:02 Fri 15th Feb 20132 answers, last by starone 10:43 Sat 16th Feb 2013
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marval

Late Breakfast

Breakfast was a very late affair that day and the husband and wife were fragile indeed. Badly hung over from a particularly wild party the night before. Bleary-eyed, with two trembling hands holding...
17:32 Thu 14th Feb 20137 answers, last by starone 23:32 Thu 14th Feb 2013
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marval

Bull

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted...
18:12 Wed 13th Feb 20133 answers, last by 1ndex 23:47 Wed 13th Feb 2013
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marval

Organ

Did you know Bach had some 10-14 children? They say there were no stops on his organ. Did you hear about the man who went streaking through the church? They caught him by the organ....
17:00 Tue 12th Feb 20131 answer, last by excelsior-1 20:15 Tue 12th Feb 2013
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marval

Not Well

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks. "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice....
20:29 Mon 11th Feb 20131 answer, last by excelsior-1 20:31 Mon 11th Feb 2013
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marval

One Liners 2

Whilst buying some nuts today I noticed the pack said "stachios"... I thought... someone's taken the pis. Every day when I wake up I like to look in the mirror and just reflect. I've just been offered...
15:42 Sun 10th Feb 20136 answers, last by tonyav 15:50 Sun 10th Feb 2013
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marval

One Liners

Grab your taco; you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican. Sky News: It's still blue with white clouds. My doctor said to me, "Do you know your sperm count?" I said I didn't know they were that clever. Humpty...
15:05 Sun 10th Feb 20133 answers, last by Starbuckone 18:58 Mon 11th Feb 2013
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Gave Me A Lift

I was on my way into work and a mate gave me a lift. No use to me, I live in a bungalow. This year I've decided to have a marquee put up in my garden with some funky music & flashing lights in. Now is...
18:56 Sat 09th Feb 20135 answers, last by maggiebee 22:13 Mon 11th Feb 2013

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