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marval

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marval

Here Goes

''I’ve discovered a new compound that needs to be added to the periodic table. It’s made up of B, O and O. It’s the element of surprise. I often have trouble spelling my own address. "Surrey"...
16:15 Fri 08th Feb 20134 answers, last by Dickythecook 04:20 Sat 09th Feb 2013
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marval

Barber

A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, "have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?" "No, I haven't. What's the...
23:26 Thu 07th Feb 20135 answers, last by NBarb 11:24 Thu 19th Dec 2019
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marval

Fling

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The boss called her into his office and said. "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you...
22:23 Wed 06th Feb 20132 answers, last by Starbuckone 00:12 Thu 07th Feb 2013
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marval

Diet

I've decided to make money writing dieting books. I'm told they appeal to a very wide audience. To gain weight, takeaway Pizza. To lose weight, take away Pizza. I've nearly finished the pills the...
15:58 Wed 06th Feb 20138 answers, last by ZorroX 06:39 Wed 17th Apr 2013
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marval

I Think

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did...
19:15 Mon 04th Feb 20132 answers, last by excelsior-1 23:43 Mon 04th Feb 2013
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Dad?

Saint Peter had a terrible cold and fever and didn't think he would last the day minding the Pearly Gates of Heaven. So he phoned Jesus to ask for the day off. "Why, Peter," Jesus said. "You know your...
18:00 Mon 04th Feb 20134 answers, last by Starbuckone 18:08 Mon 04th Feb 2013
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You Know

You know you are getting older when..... You and your teeth don't sleep together You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks, and discover you aren't wearing any At the breakfast table you...
15:58 Sun 03rd Feb 20134 answers, last by Starbuckone 23:26 Sun 03rd Feb 2013
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marval

Science

Parallel lines have got so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet. Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I'm easily lead. All these...
11:56 Sun 03rd Feb 20131 answer, last by Starbuckone 15:28 Sun 03rd Feb 2013
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marval

Ticket

A flight attendant stationed at a departure gate extended her hand for a man's ticket. He opened his trench coat and flashed at her. Without missing a beat she said. "Sir, I need to see your ticket,...
14:37 Sat 02nd Feb 20134 answers, last by Starbuckone 20:32 Sat 02nd Feb 2013
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marval

Dear Abby

Dear Abby I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and...
16:06 Fri 01st Feb 20136 answers, last by askyourgran 22:20 Fri 01st Feb 2013
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marval

Missing

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband: Lady: I lost my Husband Inspector: What is his height? Lady: I never noticed Inspector: Slim or healthy? Lady: Not slim can...
22:35 Thu 31st Jan 20134 answers, last by Starbuckone 23:30 Thu 31st Jan 2013
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What Day Is It?

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do!" he indignantly answered, getting up from the table and going out of the door to the...
19:24 Thu 31st Jan 20134 answers, last by Starbuckone 23:29 Thu 31st Jan 2013
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Oops

Several days ago as a woman left a meeting at a hotel; she desperately gave herself a pat down. She was looking for her keys. They were not in her pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed...
16:37 Thu 31st Jan 20133 answers, last by Jemisa 15:02 Fri 01st Feb 2013
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Can You?

A woman rushes into the lobby of a large hotel and sprints up to the reception desk. Seeing that the only member of staff is talking on the phone, she hammers on the bell for service. The man at the...
17:54 Tue 29th Jan 20132 answers, last by Starbuckone 22:40 Tue 29th Jan 2013
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Letters To God.

Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on vacation? - Jane Dear God, I think about you sometimes even when I'm not praying. - Elliot Dear God, Did you really...
22:52 Mon 28th Jan 20135 answers, last by murraymints 10:37 Tue 29th Jan 2013
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Make Sure

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had...
20:53 Mon 28th Jan 20133 answers, last by Starbuckone 10:14 Tue 29th Jan 2013
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marval

Musician

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping centre Striding over, a policeman asked, "May I please see your permit? “I don't have one," confessed the musician....
14:32 Mon 28th Jan 20135 answers, last by LitWit 22:28 Fri 22nd Feb 2013
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Gardening

I was carefully examining my tomato plants looking for caterpillar tracks. When I got run over by a tank. I hate my part time job as a leaf blower, the pay is terrible. But if I was a gardener, I...
16:16 Sun 27th Jan 201327 answers, last by cupid04 00:56 Mon 28th Jan 2013
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marval

Wordplay2

I came downstairs this morning to see that my curtains were drawn. All the furniture was real though. I never let my children watch big band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins. I got fined...
16:31 Sat 26th Jan 20134 answers, last by annieigma 19:48 Mon 28th Jan 2013
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Wordplay

Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day. I nearly choked on my latte. Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles. I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a...
15:42 Sat 26th Jan 20134 answers, last by BIGJACK 15:03 Sun 27th Jan 2013

2381 to 2400 of 3998

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