A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a...
The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun...
A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the...
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning arrived and the groom went into the bathroom but couldn't...
A lady in her late 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called the dial where a small dial is planted on the back of the head and can be turned to...
A girl goes to her mother and says: "Mum, I think I'm pregnant" The mother says: "But didn't I tell you to take the necessary measures?" The daughter replies: "But that is...
Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain... do people...
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any...
I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel...
Ivor Brown was tired of the rat race of New York City. He decided to move to the peace and quiet of the country. He bought a small farm and moved away from the big city. Not knowing what to do with...
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue:
'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'...
Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide...
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Oh...
Three people had died and their souls were ascending to heaven. On the way up, they passed three eagles. When they saw the birds they all shouted "Ah, eagles!" but, being polite, the eagles...
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the...
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time,...
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in...
This cowboy rushed into to the saloon yelling, "All right, who's the wise guy that painted my horse yellow?" There was silence in the saloon. 'Fess up if you dare," shouted the cowboy....
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read: "I'm the...
A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems....
