During a recent password audit at a large company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLon don” When asked why she...
I live in a semi detached house, the people in the other semi have been repossessed. Or so we have been told, the thing is they have dismantled the conservatory and taken it away. I don't think that...
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, taking in the whole event. The man thought to himself, "Great. He's four and I'm...
A fellow walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a...
Just as a surgeon was finishing an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient...
Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home well inebriated around midnight. He usually had trouble getting his...
A guy sticks his head round the door of the barbershop and asks, ‘How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, ‘About 2 hours’,...
This man said to me, “I once got my dog to retrieve a stick from 100 miles away.”I said: “That’s a bit far-fetched.” So I was in the jungle and I saw this monkey with a...
I thought this sounded good! Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing ingredient -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like...
Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon. They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the...
Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed. Wanting to find out what was the matter his mother asked, "Chris, what...
One Sunday morning after church, little Maury's family invited the priest to breakfast at their home. His mother asked little Maury what he would like for his breakfast and he replied, "I want a...
Linda visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be...
I woke up early feeling depressed because it was my birthday, but decided to make the best of it. So I showered, knowing when I went down to breakfast, my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say...
Two show stallions are arguing over who should take best of breed. The first says, “I’ll grant you are the closest I have ever seen to my equal, but my legs are just a bit straighter than...
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’...
A mother complained to her doctor about her daughter's strange eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her, doctor?," the mother...
An animal orthodontist who practiced in Iowa was called one day by a frantic farmer in Australia. "Help sir!" he cried, "I just got braces and orthodontic equipment for 100 of my sheep,...
Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach. The lady lobster suggested to the gentleman lobster to get them each an ice cream. Having purchased two ice cream cones, Mr. Lobster made his way back to the...