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Voltage

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Hippo And A Zippo?

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. yeah i know..i'll get me coat...
08:18 Wed 11th Apr 20184 answers, last by spathiphyllum 08:28 Wed 11th Apr 2018
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Herb Gardener

i just started work as a Herb gardener i worked 3 hours overtime will i get get thyme and a half?...
17:47 Tue 10th Apr 201812 answers, last by Tilly2 18:26 Tue 10th Apr 2018
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Cocaine!

I brought some cocaine from Limerick, but I was annoyed that the third and fourth lines were shorter than the others.
17:15 Tue 10th Apr 20186 answers, last by Patsy33 08:30 Wed 11th Apr 2018
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Mental Asylum!

During a visit to the mental asylum, i asked the Director: "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized." "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer...
15:40 Tue 10th Apr 20184 answers, last by Shaglene 18:05 Tue 10th Apr 2018
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A Vegan !

A vegan said to me: “People who sell meat are disgusting” I replied: “People who sell fruit and veg are grocer.“...
12:22 Mon 09th Apr 20187 answers, last by Chipchopper 18:33 Mon 09th Apr 2018
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Post Office!

i was accused at my local post office for stealing a book of stamps! I'm not having that I thought so I stuck one on him!...
14:06 Sun 08th Apr 20186 answers, last by Spicerack 16:47 Sun 08th Apr 2018
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Got Married!

I made my girlfriends dreams come true by marrying her in a castle! Although you wouldn't have thought it from the look on her face as we bounced around....
12:35 Sun 08th Apr 20182 answers, last by Patsy33 16:02 Sun 08th Apr 2018
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Got A Job!

I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock. It's a bit dull but it gets me out of the house....
19:21 Sat 07th Apr 20185 answers, last by Patsy33 11:43 Sun 08th Apr 2018
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Daily Mail Crossword Saturday April 7Th 2018

daily mail giant crossword 83 across spice ..... a??? 84 down cut......??i?...
10:42 Sat 07th Apr 201815 answers, last by lesleybell72 09:47 Sun 08th Apr 2018
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At The Pharmacy!

I went to the local pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if they sold Benylin? 'For cough?' he said 'Alright mate I only asked!'...
14:31 Fri 06th Apr 20183 answers, last by marval 17:44 Fri 06th Apr 2018
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Older Jimmy!

Teacher: If i gave you two apples, and when you get home your girlfriend gave you one, what would you have? Jimmy: Two apples and a smile on my face !!!...
10:20 Thu 05th Apr 201814 answers, last by Shaglene 18:00 Thu 05th Apr 2018
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My Mate!

My mate said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in a library’ I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books’...
08:20 Thu 05th Apr 20186 answers, last by Chipchopper 17:07 Thu 05th Apr 2018
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Just Rang The Vet!

Called the vets this morning... "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich" Vet "Ok what's the problem?" "He's holding his head to one side" Vet "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?" jeez! "Haven't...
07:35 Thu 05th Apr 201813 answers, last by Arksided 17:58 Thu 05th Apr 2018
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Mothercare!!

I went into Mothercare this morning. I asked "Do you sell maternity dresses?" Assistant "Yes, sir. What bust?" "The bloody condom"...
19:57 Wed 04th Apr 20185 answers, last by Voltage 21:27 Wed 04th Apr 2018
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Shakespeare.

What do you call a nervous Javelin thrower? Shakespeare....
20:13 Tue 03rd Apr 20187 answers, last by Voltage 20:41 Tue 03rd Apr 2018
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Electric Shock?

i went to the the Bakers to buy some cakes and i got an electric shock? i stepped on a bun and a currant shot right up my leg....
10:54 Tue 03rd Apr 201814 answers, last by Voltage 20:40 Tue 03rd Apr 2018
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Push-Up Bra!

What have a push-up bra and a bag of crisps got in common? Once you open it, you realise it's half-empty....
10:22 Sat 31st Mar 20185 answers, last by Hopkirk 20:31 Mon 02nd Apr 2018
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Tongue Twister!

The world tongue-twister champion has just been arrested. I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence....
22:27 Fri 30th Mar 20189 answers, last by Patsy33 15:02 Sat 31st Mar 2018
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Jigsaw Puzzle

A man is recovering in hospital after being struck by falling jigsaw puzzle boxes. Police are piecing the evidence together as we speak....
19:25 Thu 29th Mar 20188 answers, last by Garaman 00:25 Fri 30th Mar 2018
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In The Long Run

Anyone watching "in the long run" on sky written by idris Elba and is also starring in it. Watched 3 episodes so far it's superb...
18:05 Thu 29th Mar 20187 answers, last by rockyracoon 19:57 Sun 15th Apr 2018

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