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Voltage

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At The Cinema!

Taking his girlfriend to the cinema, a man’s wig fell off when they were canoodling in the back row. As he felt around trying to find it, his hand accidentally went up his girlfriend’s skirt....
08:41 Wed 21st Mar 20184 answers, last by marval 16:11 Wed 21st Mar 2018
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Tomb Raider 2018

Just watched new tomb raider film ..didn't like it much not as good as the first two with Angelina Jolie in them.
20:15 Tue 20th Mar 20184 answers, last by yogi-bear 20:35 Tue 20th Mar 2018
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Blame Somebody Else?

Boss "Why is it when things go wrong you always blame somebody else?" Me "No, you're thinking of Dave, he's the one always blaming others."...
15:36 Tue 20th Mar 20181 answer, last by Chipchopper 18:20 Tue 20th Mar 2018
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On Ebay!

Just put on Ebay! Midwife for sale! Can deliver!...
06:40 Tue 20th Mar 20185 answers, last by Patsy33 21:18 Tue 20th Mar 2018
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Bank Account !

My wife and I opened a shared bank account for buying weed. It'll be our joint account....
17:28 Mon 19th Mar 20187 answers, last by Voltage 19:19 Mon 19th Mar 2018
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Tightrope Walker!

what do you call a sikh tightrope walker? balan-singh!...
11:06 Sun 18th Mar 20184 answers, last by marval 14:05 Sun 18th Mar 2018
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Two Cows In A Field!

Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," replies Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"...
21:00 Sat 17th Mar 20188 answers, last by marval 13:59 Sun 18th Mar 2018
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For Paddys Day!

Paddy on First Aid Course Instructor asks “What would you do if your child swallowed the front door key?” Paddy “Climb through the window!” Paddy climbs the diving board with a fish The...
19:04 Sat 17th Mar 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 19:12 Sat 17th Mar 2018
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Another Woman.!

I just told my wife that I had sex with another woman. She said, "Can you please repeat that for me?" I said, "Sure, I'm seeing her again tomorrow night."...
16:45 Sat 17th Mar 20185 answers, last by Patsy33 17:39 Sat 17th Mar 2018
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Snow Here In Kent (Near Bluewater)

woke up to snow 3 hours ago and still coming down quite a bit ...any near you?
10:31 Sat 17th Mar 201821 answers, last by Lie-in King 18:46 Sat 17th Mar 2018
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A Weasel Walks Into A Bar..!

A weasel walks into a bar.. The bartender says “Wow I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get ya?” “Pop” goes the weasel....
17:32 Fri 16th Mar 201814 answers, last by tonyav 22:52 Fri 16th Mar 2018
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Snail?

what is a snails favourite kitchen appliance? a slow cooker...
07:57 Fri 16th Mar 20185 answers, last by Voltage 11:59 Fri 16th Mar 2018
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Cookery Show...

The wife was watching a cookery show... I said “What the hell are you watching that for? You can’t cook!” She replied “You watch porn fatty and that hasn't helped ”...
07:54 Fri 16th Mar 201810 answers, last by Voltage 12:26 Fri 16th Mar 2018
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Diabetes Website?

Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?...
14:13 Thu 15th Mar 20185 answers, last by Garaman 18:01 Thu 15th Mar 2018
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Stuck In A Lift!

the wife asked me “Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?” I said “Obviously a lift engineer.” jeez !!...
09:54 Thu 15th Mar 201816 answers, last by spathiphyllum 15:39 Thu 15th Mar 2018
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Union Man!

My uncle is a union rep and he works for a company that makes bicycle wheels. He’s the Spokesman....
22:48 Wed 14th Mar 201811 answers, last by Shaglene 14:59 Thu 15th Mar 2018
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F In Maths !

Boy: "I got an F in Maths." Father: "Why?" Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2×3?' and I said '6'" Father: "But that's right!" Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3×2?'" Father: "What's the...
18:09 Tue 13th Mar 20183 answers, last by Shaglene 11:01 Wed 14th Mar 2018
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Mum’S Sister!

What do you call your mum’s angry French sister? A Croissaunt....
11:30 Tue 13th Mar 201810 answers, last by Shaglene 11:03 Wed 14th Mar 2018
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Fabric Conditioner.

I’ve developed a taste for fabric conditioner. My doctor says I’m fine, I’ve just been comfort eating....
20:39 Mon 12th Mar 201814 answers, last by Shaglene 15:43 Tue 13th Mar 2018
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New Furniture!

So the missus asked me to get some new furniture so I put a wooden desk and a blackboard in our living room. To make it look more classy....
13:14 Mon 12th Mar 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 13:15 Mon 12th Mar 2018

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