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Voltage

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Voltage

My Neighbour!

Just seen my neighbour slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. i asked him if he was ok ...He said he’ll be fine, he’s just going through a rough patch....
16:07 Fri 11th May 20186 answers, last by DTCwordfan 18:49 Fri 11th May 2018
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Voltage

Lidl

♫♫ strange beer to the left of me... Cheap biscuits to the right. Here I am... Stuck in the Lidl with you!♫♫...
09:18 Fri 11th May 201815 answers, last by Hopkirk 17:55 Fri 11th May 2018
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Voltage

Really Cheesed Off!

I'm Really cheesed off. Every morning a huge German Shepherd poo's on my front lawn. Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog....
15:03 Thu 10th May 20184 answers, last by Arksided 18:00 Thu 10th May 2018
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My Maths Teacher

My Maths Teacher: " now then volty If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" Student: "A drinking problem."...
15:44 Wed 09th May 20185 answers, last by Garaman 21:26 Wed 09th May 2018
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Voltage

My Wife (Again)!!

My wife found out that I have been seeing this girl I met in mime school. Ironically, the wife is now giving me the silent treatment........!!...
10:08 Tue 08th May 2018
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Voltage

My Wife!

My wife was getting annoyed that I kept leaving freezer door open and it kept on defrosting. We’ve since split up, it’s all water under the fridge....
14:23 Mon 07th May 20181 answer, last by 1ozzy 22:24 Mon 07th May 2018
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Voltage

Box Of Viagra!

Found an old box of Viagra last night. Bloody things didn't work!! Turns out they're past their swell by date....
15:31 Sun 06th May 20181 answer, last by petermic12 12:38 Sat 18th Sep 2021
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In Church!

An elderly couple were in church.. The woman whispers to her husband, "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" He softly replied, "Get a new battery for your hearing aid."...
11:48 Sun 06th May 20181 answer, last by marval 12:13 Sun 06th May 2018
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God It's Warm! !

God it's warm!! I've just stripped naked and opened all of the windows. The taxi driver doesn't seem happy about it though!...
19:32 Sat 05th May 201824 answers, last by DTCwordfan 10:35 Sun 06th May 2018
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Diaries!

Remember when everyone had diaries got *** off when someone read them? Now they put everything on Facebook and get *** off when they don't!...
10:56 Sat 05th May 20182 answers, last by choux 10:58 Sat 05th May 2018
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I Took A Girl Home

I took a girl home. We got kissing on the sofa and, before long, she became very excited She asked 'Shall we take this upstairs?' I said 'No, I'd rather we did it here' 'Oh', she winked. 'Something in...
08:48 Fri 04th May 20182 answers, last by Fanriffic 18:51 Sat 05th May 2018
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Broken Date!

I used to date a really hot woman!, she worked at the local supermarket petrol station. It ended badly... I can't help but fill up every time I go past the place....
19:22 Thu 03rd May 20182 answers, last by marval 21:49 Fri 04th May 2018
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The Card Shop!

I went back to the card shop yesterday and said, "Do you sell bereavement cards?" "Yes we do." replied the assistant. "Good," I said, "could I exchange this 'Get Well Soon' card for one?"...
18:19 Thu 03rd May 201829 answers, last by queenofmean 20:32 Thu 03rd May 2018
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Wish Me Luck.

Wish me luck. I'm off to speak to the bank manager today, and if things work out for me my life will change dramatically - I'm talking millions here. I'm so excited I can hardly get this balaclava...
15:11 Thu 03rd May 20189 answers, last by Shaglene 19:26 Thu 03rd May 2018
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A Boat Builder I

A boat builder is showing his son one of his forests. He turns to him and says, "Son, one day this will all be oars"...
17:42 Wed 02nd May 201814 answers, last by Patsy33 19:20 Wed 02nd May 2018
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My Therapist !

My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate then burn them. Done, but I don't know what to do with the letters....
10:48 Wed 02nd May 20188 answers, last by marval 14:55 Wed 02nd May 2018
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My Boss!

My boss just announced he’s going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I’ve a hunch it could be me....
16:44 Tue 01st May 20186 answers, last by Voltage 22:26 Tue 01st May 2018
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I Woke Up!

I woke up with a face full of rice. I must have fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the pilau....
19:53 Mon 30th Apr 201810 answers, last by Patsy33 20:17 Mon 30th Apr 2018
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Motorway !

I Was driving down the motorway yesterday in a hearse. Police pulled me over for undertaking....
19:39 Mon 30th Apr 20185 answers, last by Voltage 19:57 Mon 30th Apr 2018
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A Priest

A priest is driving along a country road when a copper pulls him over: 'Have you been drinking?' He asks. 'Just water' replied the priest. Cop says, 'So why do I smell wine?' Priest looks over at the...
06:31 Mon 30th Apr 20186 answers, last by Shaglene 18:36 Mon 30th Apr 2018

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