My neighbour came at me really aggressively, asking if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.
I can tell you I nearly peed her pants....
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man...
A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love. The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear...
Just watched 2 of my favourite old films sherlock holmes with basil rathbone and nigel Bruce on TCM film channel over 70 years old still wonderful films...
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air...
A couple of irish tourists were dining at a fine restaurant in Paris. After waiting for an hour, the husband finally was able to catch the waiter's eye. "I want a bottle of your best wine," he...
The wife said my penis reminded her of a supermarket.
I said "because it's well stocked and supplies your every need?"
She replied "No because its Lidl"...
My wife just told me she doesn't care what she gets for Christmas this year!
"Just make sure it's got diamonds in it" she said.
A pack of playing cards it is then....
A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"...
Santa went to the Doctors with a problem. Doctor: What seems to be the problem? Santa: I seem to have a mince pie stuck up my bottom! Doctor: Well your in luck because I've got just the cream for...
i was working the bar at our works xmas party last night, and i thought to myself The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same glass is...
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy,...