Quizzes & Puzzles24 mins ago
My mate was taken into hospital last week with "premature ejaculation syndrome". I phoned the hospital last night to see how he was and the nurse told me there was slight improvement but it was still...
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots, a new ordnance map, a nice hand carved walking stick and a rucksack. Then I went up to the Peak District, walked about five miles, stopped, sat on a...
Whenever there's an eclipse, my dad starts shaking and twitching. Lunar-tick!
I took my Spanish friend for a picnic at the weekend.
He said “Gracias!” I said, “Yeah, I should have bought a blanket!”...
My pal used to be a milkman, and yes his name was Ernie. Some notes left out for him on his rounds. When you deliver the milk, will you knock on my bedroom window, the one on the left as I want you to...
Katherine, Princes of Wales, was visiting a NHS hospital, and doing a tour of the wards. She paused at each bed, inquired how the patient was feeling, then moved on. She stopped at one bed which was...
I asked my wife when her birthday was, she said "March 1st"
So I Walked around the room a couple of times, and asked her again....
How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in most of the way and another to give it a surprise twist at the end....
Frankie: "So, I took my girlfriend out for dinner at this fancy restaurant last night; she orders a bowl of soup, and wouldn't you know it, she finds a fly in her soup!" Jeff: "Oh, that's awful! What...
With apologies to Hoppy
What did one monocle say to the other?
Lets get together and make a spectacle of ourselves....
I know a surgeon who puts organs back in upside down. I told him that’s not funny, but he said it was an inside joke....
If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
Paddy and Mick are in a two man plane which is losing altitude and spiralling out of control. Mick says: "If the pane turns upside down do you think we'll fall out?" "Of course not," Paddy replies....
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday." I'd love to be eight again" she replied On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and then took her...
.. people who wear glasses.
They paid lots of money just to see you!...
I had a date last night. It was perfect.
Tomorrow, I’ll try a grape....
Manchester tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement please turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Tower control, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard...
My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'. I had the car out in thirty seconds. ____ I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. Unfortunately...
A woman was just coming from her home when she was approached by two men. "Mrs Jones? We're from the TV Licence Bureau. Can you confirm you have a licence?" "Yes," she replied. "Can we see it?" "I'm...
jesus walks into a bar with the apostles Bartender: Table for 13? Jesus: No, 26 Jesus walks into a restaurant... "Table for 26 please" Confused, the Waiter does a quick head count, and says "But there...
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