Should Children Under 16 Be Barred From...
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My name is Mike (not my real name)I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around
I was sat in a restaurant last night and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this fella shouts, 'That's just for starters!' ___ My builder is such a nice man. I...
I’ve been asked by a lady in our village if I would paint her in the nude.
I said, ‘If you don’t mind I’ll keep my socks on otherwise I’ve got nowhere to put my brushes."...
My wife said she wanted a coat made from animal skins, so I bought her a Donkey Jacket!
A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the UK, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR £20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK £100.' A lawyer thinks this is a great...
I once met a cheerful lady who told me that she could communicate with dead people. I slapped her hard across her face. I always like to strike a happy medium! ___ I was chatting to a gorgeous Woman...
A farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mum home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town." "How about your brother, Tommy?...
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog ***. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same. I said to him, "I just did that!" So he punched me in the face and called me a...
A Golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to hospital. Just before he was put under, the Surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news." The Surgeon tells...
Dick Van Dyke is asked by his dentist if he uses mouthwash or chewing gum. DVD replies with a resounding 'No'. 'Well,' said the dentist, 'I have got good news and bad news'. The good news is your...
My co-worker just called me while I was in a meeting. He said he wants to change his name to Spinal Column. I said "I'm busy right now, so I'll call you back". ___ My Sat nav just told me to turn...
Me to the postman: "This empty envelope must be from my sister Charlotte."
Postman: "Now why would she send you an empty envelope?"
Me: "We had an argument, and she's not speaking to me."...
Overheard on my flight today:
Stewardess (to passenger): “Are you OK? You look nervous”
Passenger: “Yes, I’m nervous”
Stewardess: “Your first time?”
Passenger: “No, I’ve been nervous before”...
A young boy announces "Dad, I'm getting married!" "Oh," said his dad, " you're only 4 years old. Do you have a girl in mind?" "Yes", he replied, "Grandma." "Why Grandma?" "Because I love her, and she...
What did the carpet say to the grumpy curtain?. Pull yourself together!. - Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France?. There was nothing left but de Brie!. - Doctor, Doctor. I...
You know you're getting old, when you're at an antiques auction and 3 people bid on you! ___ I have sex with my wife almost everyday... Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday... ___...
I was on holiday in Spain last week. I saw a sign English speaking doctor. I thought, what a good idea. Maybe we should try that in our country. ___ My son came home from school the other day. Very...
An aggressive budgerigar announced “I’m the greatest and hardest budgie in the world”. To challenge this theory, the owner placed the pet into the cages of a series of other birds of increasing size....
My mate and his wife have just named their baby daughter after a flower. She will be called self raising Smith. ___ I was going to post a joke about my aging brown horse. But then I thought, “not that...
When he saw how astronomically high his latest phone bill was, the head of house called a family meeting. “This is unacceptable,” said the father. ”You have to limit the use of the phone. I never use...
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