Dear sirs, Last Saturday I purchased two of your so-called 'Lucky Dip' tickets. However neither of them turned out to be lucky and I lost all my money. In what sense do you consider my tickets to have...
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, “You used to hold my hand when we were...
COLUMBUS' MOTHER:" "I don't care what you've discovered, You still could have written!" MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea...
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first biker approached the old man, threw his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then took a seat at the...
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the...
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs...
There was an old Italian man who had moved to the US in his youth. He worked hard his whole life at a fruit stand, frugally saving every penny he could, investing money in stocks. When the time came...
Mary called her old friend, Mrs. Cooper on her 101st birthday to ask how she planned to celebrate her big day. Mrs. Cooper replied cheerfully, "My children will be coming to stay with me for the...
Carol a curvy blonde enters into John’s office. She says to her boss "John I am afraid I have some bad news for you." John staring at his secretary's curves, replies, "Sweetheart,...
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in...
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have...
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made...
My granddad drowned in varnish. What a horrible way to go, said my neighbour. Yes, I said but it was a beautiful finish. My cousin is a drunk, he got a job in an upholstery shop. He is now a...
Two Harley Davidson riders, Nick and Joey, were riding through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a divider in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT". So they shrugged and went...
When Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rocket fireworks. Now, these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode...
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber. She concluded he wasn't...
I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, “wow, how did you do that.” “I would tell you”, answered the magician predictably,...
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townsfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all. However, an enterprising journalist decided to get...
Please circulate this message around your office, and make sure everyone takes part this Friday. The Leaders of the world are asking for your support to combat terrorism and we are being encouraged to...