There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the...
Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man? A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the...
A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around that when a...
1. Remove film from box and load camera. 2. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in the rubbish. 3. Remove puppy from the rubbish and brush coffee grounds from puppy's nose. 4. Choose a...
No one expects you to take a bath every day. Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything else for that matter. When it’s raining, you can lie around the house all day and...
Two hungry cannibals are walking through the woods and find a man who recently died. Seizing the opportunity, one cannibal says to the other, "Check this out! You start at the feet and I'll start...
A mother decided that her young 11 year old daughter should open her own bank account. "As it will be your account, I think that you should complete the application form" said the mother....
Two middle-aged couples go on a camping trip. The men stay in one tent and the women stay in the other. At about two in the morning one man wakes up and says, "Oh my gosh!" He says, “I...
Spanish painter Pablo Picasso encountered a thief at work in his mansion. The intruder got away, and the police were called. Picasso offered to do a rough sketch of what the thief looked like. On the...
Two dogs and a cat tried to get into the local opera house. "I'm sorry", said the doorman "animals aren't allowed in. "But we're very musical animals", said one of the dogs....
A man was seriously injured in a car accident, severely damaging his legs. As soon as the emergency room doctor examined him, he knew the one of the man's legs must be amputated. He was taken to...
One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because...
'My long lost brother is returning on Sunday. I haven't seen him since he left Ireland thirty years ago,' said Mick. 'He wrote to say he'll be arriving at Shannon airport at eight in the morning.' 'If...
“What's wrong with Murphy?” asked Father Green. “I don't know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,”' said Mrs Murphy. “'I'd like some...
An Australian was in Ireland. On his way to Belfast, he stopped at a bar and asked one of the locals, "What's the quickest way to Belfast?" The Irishmen asked, "Are you walking or...
Bloke takes his girlfriend up to his flat for the very first time. 'Ere', he says, 'you get dressed up in these oil-skins and sou'wester.' Being quite keen on the dressing-up scene, she rapidly...
A flying saucer landed at a petrol station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in...
An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 most wanted list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. A little Boy...
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not...
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping centre. Her arms were heavily laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her agitated state of mind and angry demeanour, it was...