Assisted Dying, Here's Where It...
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I asked one of those supermarket workers filling the shelves where the tinned peaches were. She said, "I'll see." then walked off. So I then asked another lad working on the shelves and he said "I'll...
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "He's trying to pull a fast one" ___ So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need,...
I lost in the final of the UK Crossword Championship… Gutted isn't the word! ___ Peach is one of my least favourite flavours, but I'm very careful how I express this in case I am accused of "Hates...
A gynecologist had become fed up and was burned out, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached,...
To stay slim, healthy and happy, have an orgasm daily:...............
O-il free food.
R-ipe fruits
G-rilled vegs....
A-ll wheat bread.
S-alt free food.
M-ilk.
What you thought also works!...
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Early in the morning, husband woke up and ask his wife. Husband: Would you like to join me for jogging? Wife: Oh, so you mean i am fat? Husband: No, jogging is good...
A young couple moved into a new house. The next morning while they were eating breakfast the young woman saw her neighbour hanging the washing outside… She remarked: "That laundry is not very clean;...
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area: Finally one day...
Seen on the Two Ronnies TV programme. - An elephant has just done a ton on the motorway and police advise to drive with caution and treat it as a roundabout....
I went to the doctors about my blocked ear. He said, "What ear is it?" I said, "Two thousand and twenty three." ___ I was addicted to Nesquik for 10 years then decided to go cold turkey. Haven't had...
I've just finished converting my van to electric. I swapped the diesel engine for the motor from a washing machine. It wouldn't start at first, until I realised I hadn't shut the door properly! Then I...
A computer has just matched me up with what it says is my perfect match. A steak and ale pie......... ___ I went to the supermarket helpdesk and said to the assistant, "I've just bought some...
Did you hear about the horrific fire at the circus?
The flames were intents...
At the airport check in, I said to my friend
"I wish we'd brought the telly with us now."
She asked : "Why is there something good on it right now?"
Me: "Yeah, our Passports."...
Rumour has it that her forthcoming book is Mein Kampfervan.
The Human Cannonball shows up to the circus one day to tell the Ringmaster he's quitting... Upset, the Ringmaster pleads him not to leave; "Please, don't go!" he says, "Where will I ever find another...
"I went to the annual Devon Dickens Fair in Exeter, and now my wife wants a divorce." A Cornish man trudges into a bar and slumps down on a stool. "Hey, buddy," the bartender says, "you look pretty...
A truck filled with Worcestershire sauce crashed into one loaded with quinoa.
A reporter asked a witness to describe what happened, but he replied "It's hard to say"....
The first year student had just gotten a beat up old VW Beetle from his parents. He took it for a spin but misjudged the curve and overturned the car directly between the house of Mr. and Mrs. Smith...
One Sunday morning an old man entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore shirt and pants that were very worn and ragged....
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