Quizzes & Puzzles22 mins ago
During a visit to the mental asylum, Boris Johnson asked the Director "what criteria were used to define a patient who is to be institutionalized." 'Well', said the Director. 'We fill up a bathtub and...
The difference between men and women is that if a woman asks you to smell something, it is usually nice.
The current events in politics and the propensity of Tories falling over themselves to chuck their hand in reminds me of one of my favourite jokes. A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at...
To the guy who stole my antidepressants.
I hope you're happy now!...
Apparently tequila probably won't save your life, but it's worth a shot.
Carrie Johnson bought Boris a parrot for his birthday. She told Rishi Patel. "That bird is so smart! Boris has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words." "Wow, that's pretty impressive,"...
A guy passes all the requirements to Join the SAS. At his final meeting with the Colonel he is told that there is one final test. The Colonel hands him an automatic pistol and tells him to go into the...
My wife asked if I knew any tennis puns.
I replied "They're really not my forte, love."...
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Two fleas were hanging out one day and one of them told the other of his previous night. "Hey buddy, "He says. "I had a great night last night. I went to the symphony concert and had the best seat in...
My inflatable house got a puncture last night.
Now I'm living in a flat....
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very...
I need help.
My mate Buster keeps
sending me music videos of 70s pop group Sweet.
Does anyone know a way,
There's got to be a way
to block Buster....
A man checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so thought he would get one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths. He grabbed a card on his way in. It was an ad for a...
Lincoln & Kennedy Similarities Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was...
I used to laugh at my friends who wore panty liners
Now I don't laugh
Or cough
Or sneeze
Or bend
Or jump up and down...
Doctor, Doctor. "I feel like a carrot". "Do not get yourself in a stew!". - Doctor, Doctor, "What happened to the man who fell in to a saw and cut his left side of his body off?". "He is all right...
I said to my wife "Would you like a KitKat Chunky"
Five hours in A&E....
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. Well, I was...
A man went to the local dogs home and asked if they had blind dog for sale. A blind dog? Don't you mean a guide dof for the blind? Nope. Definitely a blind dog. What do you want a blind dog for?...
