ChatterBank1 min ago
*An 83-year-old elderly woman, lying on the bed, said to her 87-year-old elderly husband: "Listen.. I just looked out the window and thought the garage light was on. Will you go and turn off the...
A Shepard was mortified at the loss of his favourite sheep, that he was planning to exhibit at the county show.
All he could say was "I'll never find another ewe"...
Two guys go into a pub. There is a swing band playing the old song "Yes, we have no bananas". Guy 1: I love this song! Guy 2: Yes. I think it's written by Mozart. Guy 1: Of course it's not. They...
Paddy and Mick owned the pub at the village and after closing time were sitting at the bar, drinking and complaining about how bad business was. It didn't take long for them to both quite tipsy. Mick...
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"...
A lady walks into a Jaguar dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an...
A woman goes on holiday to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is your name?' 'I can't tell you,' the man says. Every night...
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard Paddy, her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” Paddy lurched into...
Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don’t worry it will take just five minutes. Patient: And how much will it cost? Dentist: It’s £90.00. Patient: £90.00 for just a few minutes work???...
The Irish are always the first ones to come to the aid of their fellow man... Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant...
"Lord, I have a small problem. "What's the problem, Eve?" " I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake,...
An elephant and a Giraffe go into a pub and starting knocking back the pints. The Giraffe (being a softie) decides to call it a day after 12 pints. "Stay and have another" says the Elephant. So the...
A woman runs out of her house one morning and catches a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!" "OK, you caught me fair...
DOCTOR: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." PATIENT: "It was 2 and a half hours." ___ Just bought one of those low energy bulbs from B&Q. Assistant said 'will you be putting it up yourself...
AS the porter walked about the railway station, he noticed three girls sitting in the waiting room. They were looking upset, and were obviously crying. He went in. "Aw come on girls cheer up! Come...
I don't get out much these days, mainly because I have a 3ft wide cricket bat. (Owzat?)
___
A friend of mine is a retired cricket umpire.
He doesn't lift a finger now.
___...
Yesterday I went rock climbing and the guy above me kept farting. It was by far the worst ass scent I’ve ever had to deal with. ___ I went to the local video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman...
I just picked up a hitchhiker on the most desolate road in the North Wales hillside. He asked me if I was worried he might be a serial killer. He jumped out as I was driving when I told him that the...
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on...
My son took his first steps this morning. The window cleaner was furious. ___ A driver was arrested after a road accident and told the police he had swerved to avoid an octopus in the middle of the...
