So It Was Just Another Dirty Con Trick...
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Think of a number. Multiply it by 3. Now add 5. Take away the number you first thought of. Now add 7. Subtract 2. Add back the number you first thought of. Now, close your eyes. . . . . . . . . . . ....
Q, When does a joke become a dad joke?
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A, When it becomes apparent....
I dreamt last night that I was swimming in an ocean of fizzy orange.
It took me a while to realise it was a Fanta sea....
They're sending up a new rocket to the moon, with a pop-up restaurant for future astronauts.
Great idea, but no atmosphere...
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Paddy the policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His sergeant starts to yell at him. “You are ruining the police reputation, go home and change the shoes.” Paddy goes...
This just in from the BBC news site:
In an attempt to halt the spread of the deadly Bird Flu virus the Irish Air Force have just bombed the Canary Islands.........
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a...
My boss said he wanted a one to one meeting with me. I asked at what time?
He replied "12.59 of course"...
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s 3:30 in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls...
The hotel I stayed at during my holiday had a chess convention. A load of the delegates were sitting by the reception area swapping stories of games they had played. I do love chess nuts boasting in...
My boss said, "have a nice day".
So I went home...
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to...
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot...
Two skinheads were walking down the road to the pub. First skinhead looked up at the sky and said to his mate "What would you do if a bird crapped on your head?" ------- Second skinhead, thought for a...
Paddy is fitting a kitchen in a posh house when the woman asks him if he'd like something to drink. Paddy accepts and soon after the woman brings him a mug of coffee. "Excellent coffee, to be sure,"...
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one....
Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers...
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment...
A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife, "Y'know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station. Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings - we slide...
