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I stopped by the beach café for a cool refreshing drink, and it wasn't long before a young lady wearing a bikini came and sat opposite me and began reading a book. At an attempt to impress her with my...
Police suspect a recent spate of thefts is the work of a cleft toe maniac...
My mate has a new girlfriend, who works on the bin lorries.
The trouble is he can never remember if he's taking her out on Wednesday or Thursday....
Have you ever got halfway through eating a horse and mused, "I'm not as hungry as i thought i was."...
I told my friend that i liked Beyonce. She said, "Whatever floats your boat." I said, "No, that's buoyancy....
A foolish man complains of a hole in his pocket while a wise man uses it to scratch his balls...........
None other than Chris Eubank!
He says he used to live in Ethics but now he lives in Thuthex....
Top 5 Signs that petrol has gotten way too expensive: 1. A filling station is offering a free car with every fill up! 2. Any purchase over a gallon requires a credit check. 3. Price is now in gold...
A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow "Do you mind if I say a word?"
The widow replies "Please do"
"Bargain" he says.
She says "Thanks, that means a great deal"...
Did you hear about the quarry company that went out of business ?
They really hit rock bottom...
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS: On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me, I'm glad we've bought a turkey and a proper Christmas tree. On the second day of Christmas much laughter could be...
A furniture store keeps calling me.
All I wanted was a one night stand....
I arrived home late last evening after the first of the xmas sojurns- a group of people that I hardly knew. I felt a bit lonesome and after watching one of those spiritual shows on satelitte I decided...
My cat has just eaten three mallards.
He's a duck filled fatty puss....
Some people say filling animals with helium is wrong.
I say whatever floats your goat....
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the vicar came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting...
I had to steal something to stir my pancake batter with.
It's a whisk I was willing to take....
I caught my son chewing an electrical cable, so I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.
Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods. Darkness comes down and they near a monastery. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions....
The Queen is visiting a psychiatric hospital when she comments on the remarkable work done in the grounds and asks " Who is Responsible for the remarkable work walling archways flowerbeds etc" The...
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