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Patsy33

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naomi24
I’m sure I read here about a new science fiction series on Netflix but I can’t remember where I saw it. Any ideas anyone?...
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Hopkirk
My cat has just eaten three mallards. He's a duck filled fatty puss....
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Hopkirk
I returned my lizard to the pet shop today as it wouldn't stop telling me jokes. The store assistant said "that isn't a lizard, it is a stand up chameleon."...
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Hopkirk
Man "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are two minutes apart" Doctor "Is this her first child?" Man "No you idiot, I'm her husband!"...
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abbeyleigh
Going to miller and Carter then to see stereophonics apparently it going to be hot. https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/coats-jackets/blue-button-crop-blazer/p/819676940...
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Chipchopper
When my outside toilet stopped working properly, I got straight on the phone to report the fault and get someone down to repair it. A voice on the phone said, "I think you have dialled the wrong...
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Hopkirk
I just lost my job as a landscape gardener. They said I was a little rough around the hedges....
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William51
Doctor, Doctor i have a lettuce stuck up my bum. It appears it is just the tip of the iceberg!. Doctor, Doctor. I have swallowed a roll of film.. Take this and see how it develops!....
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Hopkirk
I played hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
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Hopkirk
When I left home my Mum said don't forget to write. I thought that's unlikely, it's a basic skill isn't it?...
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naomi24
..: whilst cancelling flights. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw Tui’s latest television advert. They have to be having a laugh! Nothing like taking the public for fools. Would you book with...
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Chipchopper
I noticed the librarian was clearly suffering from sunburn, you'd think he would know better. He was well red...
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Hopkirk
I went for a walk with a girl the other day. When she noticed me we went for a run....
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sandyRoe
Could they be roasted in the oven? If so, at what temperature and for how long?
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William51
Doctor, Doctor. Help me, i am getting shorter and shorter. Just wait there and be a little patient. - Doctor, Doctor. I am at deaths door. Do not worry, we will soon pull you through....
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Hopkirk
The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves....
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Hopkirk
Someone keeps leaving celery and rhubarb on my doorstep. I think I have a stalker....
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Misterbean
Sharp traffic chaos. Jammy (sharp) dodger?? But dodgem would make more sense....
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Chipchopper
A van shed its load of dirty laundry while attempting to overtake an articulated lorry on the motorway. Police were at the scene measuring the skid marks....
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Hopkirk
I went to the doctor and said I'm frightened of lapels. He said you've got cholera....

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